Prop. 8

I wanted to put my two cents in. I voted no on 8.
I find myself overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts about Proposition 8 – all negative ones. I am angry with myself for not doing some form of activism or at least given a donation to help defeat what I feel is a completely unfair proposal. (I am at least happy that my partner made a donation to No on 8.) The Supreme Court decided that in their reading of the constitution that not allowing people to marry just because they wanted to marry someone of the same sex was unfair. So, how is it fair that a bunch of homophobic religious zealots have the ability to change that? The courts make decisions all of the time that we don’t like, but we can’t go put it to a vote and change it. We just learn to live with it and eventually no one even cares about it anymore – just like desegregation, interracial marriage, and so many other things. Just because marriage has always been between a man and a woman, does that mean that it is now or ever has been right! And, how sacred is marriage when you can get married by Elvis in a drive-thru in Vegas and the divorce rate is above 50%?
I can’t stand that people want to act like marriage is such a sacred institution, when it was never meant to be that and probably has never been sacred. Marriage is about property ownership, governmental rights, and establishing stable families – because stable families create stable communities, which create a stable, productive society. Marriage, under the law, is a legal bond between two people who are committing to help each other through life and to share financial responsibility for each other. Marriage, in the religious view, is the uniting of two lives in love, trust, and mutual support. Neither one of those definitions cease to work if the people getting married are both male or both female.

I am married to another woman. We have two adopted children who were both born to drug addicted mothers who could not care for them. We are both legally the parents of these children. It seems only right that my partner and I should have the ability to have a legally defined relationship to each other since we share our lives and children. We have been together for almost 8 years and have been through everything together. Our children were so happy at our little wedding and have no idea how incredible it was that their mommies were getting legally wed. If you see our family photos, you will see two happy little kids and their tired, overworked parents – we just happen to be two women.
The Yes on 8 people tried to scare people into thinking that gay marriage would somehow negatively affect “traditional” marriage, but how? Before we were married, my family lived in the same house and had the same neighbors. Now that we are married, we do the same things! The people who live next door are still married, or not. The sun still rises and sets. And life goes on. My marriage has little meaning to anyone besides my partner and I because it does not effect their lives, and I am fine with that. If my sister married her boyfriend, I would be happy for her, but it would change nothing in my life. So, why are so many people concerned about me and people like me who want some legal rights and validation of my relationship? Why is it fair to show little kids on the Yes on 8 ads and say that gay marriage will negatively affect them (in some unknown way) without looking at my children and realizing that ending gay marriage will devastate them and their family?
I know I am saying a lot, but I am really, really angry and disgusted by how little the people of California really thought about this. Do you know that 70% of Black voters voted yes on 8? It is thought that this is largely due to the Black churches pushing the issue. However, if Black people could just think about how many people died for our right to be free, to vote, to attend school, to sit on the front of the bus! How could we vote yes to putting an entire group of people into a subordinate class? If anything, Black people should have led the No on 8 fight! We should have realized that we were being used by people with hatred in their hearts – the same kind of people who can’t find money to feed the hungry, house the homeless, or properly fund education, but can fund two long, useless wars and magically find $700 billion to give to banks who are in trouble because of their own greed!
I have heard people say that they voted yes because they did not their children to be taught about gay marriage in school or they did not want churches to lose their federal funding if they refused to perform gay weddings. These are scare tactics and lies. Churches have always had the right to say who they would and would not marry. If had married a man, but wanted to do it in a synagogue, they would absolutely be able to say no to us as a couple and we would just have to find another place. And schools hardly teach anything, so if they did teach about gay marriage, kids would probably not understand it anyway. No, seriously, who has ever taken a marriage class in school? Maybe if there were marriage classes there would be fewer divorces and less misery in the world. And, adding same sex marriage to any class discussion just means using gender neutral nouns – like spouse or partner instead of husband or wife. How does that hurt anyone?
Yes, a little thought would have been nice. Now Proposition 8 has passed and my family just has to wait and see what befalls us - and I am pissed!